Dr Em and Princess WeeWee's Take on Real Life: Where Everyone Knows Your Name…But You Kinda Wish They Didn’t: The Final Chapter

Sorry all, I really did mean to be quick with this conclusion but those silly clients of mine insisted I work on their projects instead of writing. They just don’t understand priorities. If your just joining in here’s Part One and Part Two.

So, Betsy and I had found our new oasis and of course had to share it with all our regular happy hour hang out crew. A bit of convincing was required since this new bar did not offer a weekly Meat Raffle (if a quizzical look just crossed your face…you’ve been missing out!) Betsy and I extolled the virtues of a closed in patio with cheap drinks verses the chance to win a pack of pork chops. We were finally able to get the group to agree to check the place out.

Of course, as soon as we arrived and ordered our booze filled plastic cups everyone fell in love. We found an empty table outside and began our traditional happy hour routine. Then ended the evening agreeing that this would indeed be our new go to bar.

The happy hour crew consists of Betsy, myself, Amy and Karen. There are also random appearances by significant others and roommates. We always stick to ourselves talking about work, trips and family, nothing more serious or controversial. We usually hanging out for about 2-3 hours, drinking 3-4 drinks. I tend to join in the fun about twice a month, the others meet up a bit more often. It’s always chill and dramaless, which is why it’s so much fun.

By the time I joined up with the crew at The Southern Castle for another happy hour everything had changed! It was horrible! Betsy, Amy and Karen had found another perk at the Castle…unlimited self-esteem boosts! I’m all for looking nice and getting a little high from random compliments but these girls had turned getting compliments into some kind of crack! And I’m not talking dressing trashy to get cat calls from sleazy strangers. Oh no…apparently the crew had taken to showing up at the Castle 2 to 3 times a week! They were now friends with all the regulars and were getting their fix from them.

I went out to the patio and Betsy, Karen and Amy were sitting at a table with a group of people that maybe had 5 teeth between them, one looked as though he hadn’t showered in weeks, another was wearing a dirty button down shirt that didn’t button over his belly and the youngest of the group was at least in her mid-fifties! These characters had all added charm to The Southern Castle when we first came but it had never been my intention to hang out with them. But you can’t judge a book by it’s cover so, I went over, sat down and what I saw made the bile rise up in my throat.

Betsy, Karen and Amy were flirting with these men and letting the women fawn over them! Okay, I’m really not a mean person and the sickness that rose from witnessing the scene in front of me actually had nothing to do with the Castle regulars or their appearance. It was the girls! They had turned into something…I don’t know what but it was like they had become different people willing to do anything for a nod or wink from a 70 year old man! It was absolutely insane! These were independent, smart and successful women (one engaged and one in a relationship) reduced to blathering idiots petting the unemployed drunk, who’d been at the bar since noon, just get a shot of self-esteem!

I ran out of there as fast as I could! I don’t know what happened during the happy hours without me but something had changed them. Since then, I have been invited out to the Castle several times, I always say no. I’ve tried in vein to get the crew to meet up somewhere else, they always say no. Finally, last week I decided that maybe I had over reacted and went back.

It was exactly the same, at least I was ready for it this time. I stayed a bit longer than before to see if I could decipher exactly what was going on…but there was no explanation. The chill conversations of our past were replaced by odd, incoherent ramblings about social security and alien invasions. The few drinks we normally took in had turned to shots of tequila (I nursed a gin and tonic). It was 8 pm when I just could not stand it any longer but the other three stayed and told me they normally stayed until bar close. One of them had already quit her job!

I’m not saying the locals at The Southern Castle are some sort of townie bar vampires or that the Castle Kool-Aid is laced with some weird drug…but now I have to find a new happy hour crew.