Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I Have Not Disappeared...But My Sanity Did Take A Leave of Absence

I promise I haven't been avoiding you all. I'm pretty sure I was sucked into the Twilight Zone last week...I'm still shaking off some of the weirdness that enveloped my world for ten days.

It all started with routine request from a consulting client. The client's accountant, Kelly, emailed me last Thursday afternoon asking for a copy of the invoice from a job I did last May. Apparently, their original copy had been misplaced.

Mr BurnsI remember the job from last May well; the management team was creepy and wanted me to "tweak" my findings, which of course I didn't but I'm sure the board of directors did not get my complete report. And the employees I interviewed...I have never seen a gloomier bunch. The whole place gave me the willies.
But whatever, the job was done and I never have to go back to that soul sucking site again. I responded back and told Kelly I'd email her a copy as soon as I could.

All totally normal so far...



I went to my file cabinet to make a quick copy of the invoice...but the invoice wasn't in the job folder. In fact, the only document in the folder was a release I had signed for a background check. I thought the lack of hard copy documents was odd but not that off setting; I try to print as little as possible.
So, I went to my computer to get the invoice. But there was no corresponding job folder on my work drive. Assuming I must have somehow accidentally moved the Computer Gremlinfolder, I began looking in other folders and drives. I even went through all my art and gallery files which are kept on a different computer...I put nothing past those evil little computer gremlins.

I finally, stumbled upon a shortcut to the correct job folder...but the shortcut went nowhere. I'm not talking nowhere as in the wastelands of temp folders, the shortcut was literally nothing more than an icon. I didn't panic, I never panic...I simply took a deep breath and patted myself on the back for regularly backing up all my files on an external drive.
I plugged in the drive, navigated to to appropriate place and there was the folder I'd been searching for. I made a mental note to go back and figure out what had happen to the original and then double clicked the awaiting icon. It was empty!!! Oh, by the way we are now well into Saturday afternoon and I have accomplished absolutely nothing because this search had consumed me.

At this point, I started to question my sanity...maybe I had planned on doing the real dreamjob but never actually did it. Maybe the memories I have of that sad and sleazy company were all just a dream...it wouldn't be the first time that has happened but it would be the most elaborate fake dream memory ever. But my sanity was safe...for now. I always send my clients a soft copy of their invoice so, I would just have to delve into my Sent Items to find the right email...after I took a little mental break to work on my current sculpture.

So, Sunday I am back on my computer, this time sifting through a billion emails...okay, it wasn't that bad...yet. I popped into my sent folder, scrolled to May 2011 and started scanning subject lines for the correct email, nothing. I continued into June, perhaps the job went past the end of May, nothing. I went back to May, carefully reading each addressee and subject, still nothing! Then it occurred to me that I sent out a surprisingly low number of emails last May so, I took a closer look at the dates...May 9, 2011 - May 17, 2011 were gone!
Microsoft Word - Document4

I spent all Sunday and half of Monday pouring through every possible email folder this lost week and a half of sent emails could have disappeared to. All I found was a dry thank you email from one of the managers after the completion of the job. I spent the remainder of Monday going through all my computer files again. Tuesday morning I plugged my external hard drive in to see if the files had landed in a different folder. All of a sudden the drive is corrupt! It let me access two folders of music and denied me access to everything else. I started a scan of the drive to try and recover what I could.

I can't use my computer while it's scanning so, I had time to think about what had happened to all the records pertaining to this job.

Here is my conclusion...
The company that hired me is actually a front for an organization plotting to take over the world. It is led by a group of evil warlocks posing as managers. 
 
They use their sinister powers to keep the employees sightless of their dirty deeds but doing so saps all the energy and happiness from these poor individuals. 
 
To keep their activities shrouded in darkness they have set the company up under a larger managing corporation, this means they have to submit doctored reports to stay accountable. 
 
The Board, suspecting the "managers" weren't being entirely truthful forced them to hire an outside consultant, me. After I completed my report they edited it to fit their needs.
 
They needed to cover their tracks though, in case any one ever asked to see my copy of the report. So, the warlocks used a magic spell to command the gremlins living in my computer to erase all my documentation. Then they enlisted one of the squatter cats to infiltrate my house and steal the hard copies.squatter catsI've thought long and hard about all the possibilities and this definitely the most likely scenario.

To avoid angering the evil warlocks, this morning I called my accountant and had him send Kelly a copy of the invoice.

Princess WeeWee

7 comments:

  1. What a nightmare! I might say paper is still a good thing,but the US Mail must be part of the "organization" too since "lost in the mail" is part of our American lexicon. I wonder if squatter cats steal mail?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would not put it past those sneaky little guys!

      Princess WeeWee

      Delete
  2. Did you feed the computer gremlins after midnight? Because you are TOTALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my...that must be what happened! I left a few Jump Drives out, which are now useless pieces of plastic. Ooooooh....those sneaky byte eaters!

      Delete
  3. I went insane once. How did it work out for you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's always a fun adventure to dabble in the insane! :)

      Princess WeeWee

      Delete
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