6 things you never knew about Dr. Em

Last night I was at a neighborhood watch meeting and someone called me cold. This is not the first time, and it’s not something that would normally bother me. In fact, I would usually laugh and accept it as a badge of honor against stupidity.

But last night it wasn’t Suzie Housewife or Bob, the overly confident, self-proclaimed “grill master” of the street. No, last night it was Gus. Gus – the man who methodically measures his grass and cusses out loud children. Gus – the only man on our street I respect. 

I know I can come off a bit harsh at times, and I genuinely don’t like most people, but I am not “cold.”  I mean, as you have probably guessed, I have never been known as the “sweet one” or the “fun one.” And I know, it’s Princess WeeWee, not me, who will dive head first into a bouncy castle at a kid’s party or somehow get the whole line at the grocery store to do the chicken dance. But I’m not all buttoned up suits and judgment! I can be fun too! I can!

So, for today’s blog, I wanted to show you the other side of me, the side generally reserved for my family. So you better enjoy my openness, damn it.

1. I love to be scared. LOVE IT. I love scary movies, death defying roller coasters and shady alleyways at night.  I’m a sucker for a good haunted house, and if it makes me scream enough, I count that as my work out for the day.

2. I sing in my car. Not to all songs and you’ll never catch me in public. But when Bohemian Rhapsody or Piano Man comes on, I’m powerless to stop myself.

3. I love to bowl. This is a hold over from when my husband I started dating. We had very little money, so one of our first dates was to the bowling alley where we drank cheap pitchers of beer, ate greasy French fries and had a combined score of like 70. We’re still not great bowlers, but there’s something about those ill-fitting shoes, and the absurdity of a game where you chuck a 10-lb ball as fast as you can toward little white pins that makes me smile. 

4. I have admitted I was wrong. Once. When I was 10. I was hoping it would make a boy like me.

5. The first time I saw the new Star Trek, I was so enamored, I immediately watched it again. Like without even a break to pee.

6. I’m scared to death of birds. My kitty Chloe sometimes brings live birds in the house to torture me. She walks up and drops the bird at my feet who will immediately begin flapping wildly and take every wrong turn in the house in an effort to escape. Chloe just sits back and laughs as I flail and scream about the house even more idiotically than the stupid bird.

There. Would a “cold” person share all that? I think not! Now, don’t go telling people I got all soft. I can still punch pretty well. And I’m totally bad ass… but you already knew that about me.

Dr. Em