Thursday, May 03, 2012

Princess WeeWee, There is No Santa Claus.

I would like to thank Lola for inspiring me to share this story from long, long ago.... 

Easter in MN

Our tale of the loss of innocence begins on a typical Minnesota Easter morning.

If you have never had the joy of donning a parka, hat and mittens over your lovely spring inspired Easter've been missing out!

The entire family, plus a few cousins, was piled into our extra fancy station wagon. We were on our way home from a pleasant Easter morning church service. Everyone in the car was excited about the feast and merriment waiting at the house. Us kids, we couldn't stop jabbering about what might be waiting in our Easter baskets. 

We spent the trip home, in our respective assigned seats, mapping out strategies to find the hidden treasures left by the Easter Bunny. In our home, children were expected to work for their presents from mystical beings, including Cupid, St Patrick and Uncle Sam.
Working for gifts in our home was defined as finding the gift. I wouldn't be surprised if some little girl has stumbled upon a random Barbie or two in the past ten years. I remember a time it took almost a week for me to find my dollar from the Tooth Fairy!

I have digressed...there were five of us kids in the car that fateful Easter morning. We five, dressed to the nines, were convinced that by banning together, we were on our way toward defeating the trickery of the Easter Bunny. We each had sectors, with code names, to scope out. This was to be an "All for One" excursion.

Poor Easter Bunny
 Then suddenly, a few feet away from our driveway, the car swerved wildly. We all shot to the windows to see what dad had narrowly missed. Shouts filled the car "Ewww!" "Cool!" "Oh, the poor thing!" "Can we get out and look at it?" "Yuck!" "Do you think it went to heaven?" "I think I'm going to be sick." then one shout rang out above the rest...

"It's the EASTER BUNNY!!!!!!" Everyone turned to the back end right seat with gasps of horror. Me and two cousins burst into tears, Dr Em and our other cousin were laughing hysterically. Dad had pulled into the garage by this time and was already heading out to the street with a trash bag and shovel. Mom was hustling everyone out of the car and into the house consoling those of us crying, telling us "Of course it wasn't the Easter Bunny, it was just a plain rabbit and of course it went to heaven." All the while glaring at Dr Em.

Mom got everyone to calm down by hinting at the location of a stash of eggs and let us eat them before brunch. As the five of us huddled together on the living room floor eating colored eggs and finalizing or search plans, Dr Em leaned forward and motioned us all to follow. Then she whispered so diabolical I can still hear it when I'm lying alone in the dark trying to get to sleep.

 "There are no Easter baskets..." We all stared agape. I finally stuttered "W-w-w-what do you mean, Dr Em?" "Mom lied to you. That was the Easter Bunny outside." The two younger cousins started to cry again and I was still staring at Dr Em in disbelief when our other cousin piped up. "So what if the Easter Bunny's dead? We still get Easter Baskets!" Everyone turned back to Dr Em in anticipation.

Scary Dr Em
I swear, at this moment the lights dimmed and a strange glow lit up Dr Em's face. She looked around the circle at each of us one by one then slowly in an almost inaudible whisper said "No, no Easter baskets. You see the bunny in the road was facing this way, that means it was on it's way to our house to deliver our treats." We were too stunned to say anything. Dr Em continued on with her tale of horror, "Since the Easter Bunny was killed on the way to our house, to deliver your Easter basket," She looked straight into my eyes as she finished destroying my childhood, "It's your fault the Easter Bunny is dead! No one will ever get another Easter basket!"

I screamed "Noooooo!!! Mom said it's not the Easter bunny!" The two younger cousins were in tears again and Dr Em and our other cousin were rolling around tears in their eyes from laughing so hard. Mom came rushing into the room with a spatula dripping pancake batter on the carpet, "What is going on here!"

In an unintelligible, screeching voice I blubbered to my mom, "It's not my fault! I didn't mean it! Everyone is going to hate me! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" My mom knelt down confused and the younger cousin cried out in unison "She killed the Easter Bunny!" Mom pulled me into her lap and stroked my hair "Oh, honey. I told you that isn't the Easter Bunny. There's nothing to worry about." "But Dr Em said and how do you know it isn't the Easter Bunny and there's no Easter baskets!"

Mom told Dr Em to sit up and tell me the truth and she did....

"Fine. Princess WeeWee, you didn't kill the Easter Bunny. That would be impossible since there is NO EASTER BUNNNY!!!! Hahahahahaha!"

See Princess WeeWee is an angel!
That day a little piece of me died as mom explained to me and two weeping cousins that everyone; the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, The Great Pumpkin were all make believe.


  1. I'm sorry! I was wrong! Dr. Em was shocked when I didn't know super hero's were real and when you showed me your Zombie room I was forced to admit the necessity of preparing for a Zombie invasion. It stands to reason the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and The Great Pumpkin are real too.
    Reclaim your childhood Princess Wee Wee. You guys are still as cute as ever.
    Love Mom

    1. No take backs! Santa Claus is just some creepy guy at the mall, I made a pie out of the Great Pumpkin and the Easter Bunny died that fateful day in Minnesota. Sorry WeeWee that's life. Oh, and I am an adorable devil!

      Dr. Em

    2. I am so sad for you Dr Em....

      Princess weeWee